(q. Bdbur's first marriage.)
'Ayisha-sultSn Beglm whom my father and hers, i.e. my uncle SI. Ahmad Mirza had betrothed to me, came (this year) to Khujand1 and I took her in the month of Sha'ban. Though I was not ill-disposed towards her, yet, this being my first marriage, out of modesty and bashfulness, I used to see her once in 10, 15 or 20 days. Later on when even my first inclination did not last, my bashfulness increased. Then my mother Khanim used to send me, once a month or every 40 days, with driving and driving, dunnir gs and worryings.
(r. A personal episode and some verses by Bdbur.)
In those leisurely days I discovered in myself a strange inclination, nay! as the verse says, ' I maddened and afflicted myself for a boy in the camp-bazar, his very name, Baburi, fitting in. Up till then I had had no inclination for any-one, indeed of love and desire, either by hear-say or experience, I had not heard, I had not talked. At that time I composed Persian couplets, one or two at a time; this is one of the them :
May none be as I, humbled and wretched and love-sick ; No beloved as thou art to me, cruel and careless.
From time to time Baburi used to come to my presence but out of modesty and bashfulness, I could never look straight at him; how then could I make conversation (ikhtildt) and recital (hikdyat) ? In my joy and agitation I could not thank him (for coming); how was it possible for me to reproach him with going away? What power had I to command the duty of service to myself?2 One day, during that time of desire and passion when I was going with companions along a lane and suddenly met him face to face, I got into such a state of confusion that I almost went right off. To look straight at him or to put words together was impossible. With a hundred torments and shames, I went on. A (Persian) cquplet of Muhammad Salih's3 came into my mind :
1 Cf. f. 20. She may have come from Samarkand and 'All's household or from Kesh and the Tarkhan households.
2 Cf. f. 26 1. 2 for the same phrase.
3 He is the author of the Skaibdnl-ndma.
