THE MAN WITH THE SENSE OF HUMOR 177
at
other times I have fallen. But every time I tell a lie, the very first
time I shave afterwards, I always say to the fellow in the mirror, 'You
sanguinary liar! Now, don't you make any excuse, Pigott! You know
you're a liar.' "
"Did that help the next time?" I asked satirically.
"Not
always," he said seriously. "But by dint of sitting in judgment on
myself each time, I became at least a little more careful. And now I am
not like some men. I never tell a useless lie."
"I suppose you've never been caught out in a lie," I said.
"I
was just thinking of once when I was caught," he mused. "But I managed
to extricate myself without really losing face, which is the most
serious result of being taken in the act.
"It
happened in Melbourne. A wealthy timber merchant had given me an order
for a fine pearl necklace. I supplied it in due course, and as he wrote
out his check he said, 'I say, old chap, you must have made a pretty
penny over this. I guess you don't do such a deal every day. It makes
no differÂence to me, but as a matter of interest, how much have you
made for yourself?'
"Now,
I need not have lied. I could have passed it off with a joke. I could
even have told the truth, for I had his check in my hand. But you know
how it is. I said, 'Oh, about ten per cent.'
"
'Then Jim—, of whom you bought it for me, must be a liar,' he said, and
then mentioned the exact figure I had paid for it. He thus knew that I
was making a clean fifty per cent.
"But
I'm a quick thinker. 'That's quite right,' I said. 'Jim didn't lie, and
neither did I. You asked me how much I had made for myself. Well, I put on ten per cent, for myself, ten for the wife, and ten for each of the kids.'
"That made him laugh. 'Good luck,' he said. 'If you hadn't got the money, I'd have put it all on some goddamned horse.'
"But that experience taught me one thing: whatever you do, don't ever get found out."
